Testify!

So I sat down to catch up on others' blogs this evening and realized that I haven't blogged since January. I've sat down to do it a few times, but just haven't had a lot to say. I find that I only blog when I have a lot on my mind and in my heart. It's cathartic to me, I guess, self-treatment for this counselor! Before I spill what's in my heart onto the page, I'll catch you up on what's going on.

Of course, we're still in the middle of the adoption. We haven't heard any updates lately, but we did take another trip to Haiti in May. We took Cade with us this time to meet his brother. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it was an amazing week. The boys seemed to love being with each other and I got some really great video of them playing, smiling, and laughing. It was different keeping up with two kiddos (even if it was only for a few days), but the time we spent together was priceless. By no means am I disillusioned into believing that when Sammy gets here everything will be smooth sailing and that there will be no problems for our family during the adjustment process, but with my whole family together, I could feel in my heart that this is exactly what our family is supposed to be. God used that trip to confirm to me that we are smack dab in the middle of His will. And that, my friends, is what I am ultimately seeking every day of my life.

Though we were comfortable with what our family is, we were still in limbo about where our family would be. From April until recently, Jason was looking for a job as an administrator (principal or assistant principal). Since he's had his degree for two years, we decided to broaden the search this year to look all over the state. Of course, some of these jobs meant moving away and me getting a different job. However, I wanted to be a supportive wife and I agreed that he could interview anywhere and that we would be open to going wherever he needed to go. Now, let me say that this is not at all what my heart wanted. I am comfortable here around my family, in my job, with my friends, and this is where I wanted to stay. But when we said those wedding vows, I agreed to cling to him and to become one with him. Let me also say that Jason was not forcing this upon me. He asked me what I thought, what I would be comfortable with, and whether I wanted him to just look for jobs around home. We agreed together to be open to many different opportunities all over the state. We thought possibly God was going to lead us down an unanticipated road and we wanted to follow wherever that would be. So, our prayer during the job search was that God would provide clear direction on the right job and that he would open doors. The road He took us down was pretty bumpy. Jason interviewed 10 times- some of them around here, others out of town- as far as three hours away. There were times when we felt like he'd found the right job and times when we knew otherwise. There were times when we were very confident that God knew what He was doing and times that we doubted His wisdom. Through all of this, I felt a lot of anxiety and stress. My desire to be the supportive wife and my fear of moving out of my comfort zone constantly battled inside of me. I don't think I showed it too much outwardly, but there were times when I was a complete mess. I did break down and dump on a few of my closest friends from time to time, but all in all I kept my anxiety between myself and Jason, and of course, God. I wish I could say I wasn't anxious and was completely trusting. I don't even think I could count the number of times I've told a friend- "Don't worry, God is in control" or "He's working for your good." Though I know these statements are absolute truth, I had to be reminded of that myself. I tried to be as honest as I could be with God about the desires of my heart- which were for Jason to get a job and for us to stay here, but I also told Him that I would go wherever He led us and I meant it. I believe that our life's journey will always tell the story of God's faithfulness and our willingness to take unexpected detours will lead to His blessings. 

Now its time to testify!

My God is faithful. Jason got a job at Mulberry/Pleasant View, which is one of the closest school districts to Alma. After 10 interviews and lots of consideration about where I would work or where we would live, the right job came along. And the right job is right at home. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I am so thankful! Jason loves his new job and is excited to get the school year started.

My God is awesome. For the past few years, I've been telling Jason that I'm ready to move to a new house. This one has gotten really small! We put our house up for sale two years ago and tried to sell it for 4-5 months and never had any serious interest. We decided then to take it down and save money to make trips to Haiti instead. We agreed that once he got an administrator's job, we would consider it again. Once he got this job, we started talking about it. However, with all of the school that we've done in the past five years, we'd chalked up some student loan debt. So, we decided that we would stay in this house for a few years and pay off those loans before moving. That same week we found out about some student loan forgiveness that we'd received- over $8,000 between us that is paid (my loan completely paid off). So, debt paid by someone else. Without that debt, we decided to look around. The first day we looked, we found a house that we love! However, we didn't want to move too fast because we still had to sell our house. We were talking to my parents about it and turns out that they've been looking at possibly buying some rental properties. Long story short, they've decided to buy our house to rent out. So, house sold. The house that we love was at the very top end of our budget and we weren't sure if the current owners would come down off the price enough for us to afford it. We made an offer. The next day they countered with an amount that we can afford. So, new house in the process of being purchased. I absolutely love this house and could go on and on about how perfect it is. This whole process has been completely amazing and I feel such gratefulness for God's abounding blessings, because I know that's what this is.

My God is gracious. There have been several moments in the past few weeks when I have just felt God's absolute grace and His blessings rain down upon me. Some of them have been material blessings, but others of them have been moments with my family and friends. Some of these moments have just been in the mundane everyday activities of my family, but I feel so blessed. I'm trying to stop and pay attention and to recognize every little blessing so that I can give thanks and bless His name.

I'm fortunate that the biggest stress in my life lately has been my husband getting an administrative job. No matter what, he had a job, and that was a blessing in itself. I know there are many people who are going through much more troubling times and are on much more painful journeys. But my point in all this is to testify to God's faithfulness to our family. He's faithful in the little stuff, just like He's faithful in the big stuff. He was faithful in Jason's job search and our family's home search, and He will be faithful in seeing our adoption through. He's IS faithful and I will testify!

Treasure the Journey

So this international adoption thing is shaping up to be no short trip; its a journey! It is a journey through many different lands- through deserts and green forests and up and down mountains, with time taken to pause at the top, and plenty of time spent in the valley. Many times it seems as if we are just wandering in circles with no clear path to follow. Like the Israelites in the wilderness, wandering around. They knew the Promised Land was coming, but they didn't know when. I know my baby is coming home, but the timing is in God's hands. We're sure of the destination and are following blindly until we get there. And I'm starting to realize more and more that that's exactly the point!

In the past few weeks, it seems that every devotion I've read and every sermon I've heard has talked about the journey. It's been on my mind a lot lately- actually since we returned from Haiti in November. This is a process that can bring so much frustration and anger, simply because it doesn't make sense in our heads. How long does it really take to sign some paperwork and do a few background checks? A couple of weeks, maybe? A couple of months at the most, right? But here we are, still waiting, in the midst of a process that seemingly has no end. Wandering.

On our last trip to visit our kiddos, one of the adoptive families brought bracelets with them to give to the kids. You know, the rubber ones that have some sort of saying on them. Somehow, at the end of the trip, Sammy ended up with about four of them. I just put them in my pocket and didn't think twice about it. As we were packing to leave, I pulled out those bracelets. It is then that I took the time to really look at one of them. The printed phrase on it read, "Treasure the Journey."

It's funny how God uses the small stuff to teach us. It just shows how big He is. While staring at that bracelet, I started to think about this journey. In my mind and in my heart, I've being trying to rush this process. I've been praying daily that God would perform a miracle and the paperwork would suddenly be completed. (I believe He can do that and I will continue to pray that). However, this is the first time I stopped to think about what we have gained from our wandering. With my eyes fixed on that little pink bracelet, I could hear God speaking softly to my heart: My child, the journey has a purpose. Know that My hand is moving, and know that it is moving in a big way. Know that there will be indescribable joy when this process ends, but there can also be joy in the midst of it. Treasure every tear that you cry, for it reminds you of your love for that child. Treasure every second that you spend pleading with Me, for it reminds you that I am in control. Treasure every opportunity that you have to tell someone about this journey, for it reminds you of the great calling I have given you. Just treasure the journey because it will forever be a part of your testimony, and trust Me, child, it will tell of My faithfulness to you!



For a few days, I struggled with that. Treasure the journey, really? Treasure the heartbreak? Treasure the tears? Treasure the days of not knowing how and when? But as I thought about it and prayed about it, I began to realize what the journey has provided for us. It has provided us an opportunity to visit Haiti, and to understand where Jasmine and Sammy come from. It has provided us with greater knowledge of the adjustments they will have to make. It has provided us with opportunities to talk about our calling and to share the love of Jesus with others. But most of all, it has provided us with new friendships. We have had the chance to spend time with families who are walking with us. We have a group of people who understand exactly what this journey entails. They know the excitement of meeting your kids for the first time and the heartbreak that comes with leaving them there. They know the hope that we have for our future families and the sadness we feel when we close our eyes at night knowing our family is still not together. They will be the ones that rejoice with us most on that homecoming day and who provide the support for us as we integrate these children into our families. 

Fittingly, our preacher's sermon tonight was about the Israelites and their journey in the wilderness. He preached on Deuteronomy 2:7 in which God tells the Israelites that He has seen every step they've taken on their journey and that He knows every emotion they've experienced. He then reminds them that He's blessed them and He's provided for them for the entire forty year period. Now, it seems like a bit of a stretch to compare our journey to that of the Israelites. After all, they were literally walking in circles for four decades and I am confident that we will not wander that long. However, this is just another example of the fact that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The character of God hasn't changed. He has seen every step we've taken and knows every thought we've had. In response to that, He has blessed us and He has been more than sufficient. He's provided funds to go visit our kids, He's provided people to encourage us on the hard days, and He's provided us with strength from His Word. He has provided.

So, I've decided that I will not let frustration at this process get the best of me. I will not make any more derogatory comments toward the Haitian government (and trust me, I've made my fair share). I will treasure this journey and every other journey that God calls me to in the future. He's always been faithful, He's always been sufficient. Every footprint on the ground, whether in a circle or a straight line, is evidence of what He's done. And all I want is for my footprints to guide others toward Him!