So this international adoption thing is shaping up to be no short trip; its a journey! It is a journey through many different lands- through deserts and green forests and up and down mountains, with time taken to pause at the top, and plenty of time spent in the valley. Many times it seems as if we are just wandering in circles with no clear path to follow. Like the Israelites in the wilderness, wandering around. They knew the Promised Land was coming, but they didn't know when. I know my baby is coming home, but the timing is in God's hands. We're sure of the destination and are following blindly until we get there. And I'm starting to realize more and more that that's exactly the point!
In the past few weeks, it seems that every devotion I've read and every sermon I've heard has talked about the journey. It's been on my mind a lot lately- actually since we returned from Haiti in November. This is a process that can bring so much frustration and anger, simply because it doesn't make sense in our heads. How long does it really take to sign some paperwork and do a few background checks? A couple of weeks, maybe? A couple of months at the most, right? But here we are, still waiting, in the midst of a process that seemingly has no end. Wandering.
On our last trip to visit our kiddos, one of the adoptive families brought bracelets with them to give to the kids. You know, the rubber ones that have some sort of saying on them. Somehow, at the end of the trip, Sammy ended up with about four of them. I just put them in my pocket and didn't think twice about it. As we were packing to leave, I pulled out those bracelets. It is then that I took the time to really look at one of them. The printed phrase on it read, "Treasure the Journey."
It's funny how God uses the small stuff to teach us. It just shows how big He is. While staring at that bracelet, I started to think about this journey. In my mind and in my heart, I've being trying to rush this process. I've been praying daily that God would perform a miracle and the paperwork would suddenly be completed. (I believe He can do that and I will continue to pray that). However, this is the first time I stopped to think about what we have gained from our wandering. With my eyes fixed on that little pink bracelet, I could hear God speaking softly to my heart: My child, the journey has a purpose. Know that My hand is moving, and know that it is moving in a big way. Know that there will be indescribable joy when this process ends, but there can also be joy in the midst of it. Treasure every tear that you cry, for it reminds you of your love for that child. Treasure every second that you spend pleading with Me, for it reminds you that I am in control. Treasure every opportunity that you have to tell someone about this journey, for it reminds you of the great calling I have given you. Just treasure the journey because it will forever be a part of your testimony, and trust Me, child, it will tell of My faithfulness to you!
For a few days, I struggled with that. Treasure the journey, really? Treasure the heartbreak? Treasure the tears? Treasure the days of not knowing how and when? But as I thought about it and prayed about it, I began to realize what the journey has provided for us. It has provided us an opportunity to visit Haiti, and to understand where Jasmine and Sammy come from. It has provided us with greater knowledge of the adjustments they will have to make. It has provided us with opportunities to talk about our calling and to share the love of Jesus with others. But most of all, it has provided us with new friendships. We have had the chance to spend time with families who are walking with us. We have a group of people who understand exactly what this journey entails. They know the excitement of meeting your kids for the first time and the heartbreak that comes with leaving them there. They know the hope that we have for our future families and the sadness we feel when we close our eyes at night knowing our family is still not together. They will be the ones that rejoice with us most on that homecoming day and who provide the support for us as we integrate these children into our families.
Fittingly, our preacher's sermon tonight was about the Israelites and their journey in the wilderness. He preached on Deuteronomy 2:7 in which God tells the Israelites that He has seen every step they've taken on their journey and that He knows every emotion they've experienced. He then reminds them that He's blessed them and He's provided for them for the entire forty year period. Now, it seems like a bit of a stretch to compare our journey to that of the Israelites. After all, they were literally walking in circles for four decades and I am confident that we will not wander that long. However, this is just another example of the fact that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The character of God hasn't changed. He has seen every step we've taken and knows every thought we've had. In response to that, He has blessed us and He has been more than sufficient. He's provided funds to go visit our kids, He's provided people to encourage us on the hard days, and He's provided us with strength from His Word. He has provided.
So, I've decided that I will not let frustration at this process get the best of me. I will not make any more derogatory comments toward the Haitian government (and trust me, I've made my fair share). I will treasure this journey and every other journey that God calls me to in the future. He's always been faithful, He's always been sufficient. Every footprint on the ground, whether in a circle or a straight line, is evidence of what He's done. And all I want is for my footprints to guide others toward Him!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Updates
So the reason it took me years to start a blog was because I was afraid I wouldn't have anything really exciting to blog about. We're quite boring at our house. Also, I was afraid I wouldn't keep up with it. My fears have been validated- it's been since June 11 that I last blogged. So, sorry to those of you who follow my blog. I'm going to try to do better.
So I guess the purpose of this blog is simply to catch up and let you all know what's up in our world. I'll start with the adults and work towards the children.
Jason:He did not get an administrator's job this year, so he's still teaching at the high school. He's got some Geometry and some Algebra II classes. He finishes his Program of Study for his Superintendent's License this semester. He's doing an internship this fall along with one class. In the spring, he'll finish up with a second internship for his license as a Curriculum Administrator. I'm really proud of him and all his hard work. He's done everything he can to make himself marketable and qualified for many different positions. I know that his hard work will pay off, but its definitely hard to wait for God's timing in this. He's put in a lot of time (and money) to get these degrees and he's anxious to use them, but he's trying to learn what he can from where he currently is.
Me: I'm working in my second year as a school counselor. It really is a great job! I think I like it even better this year since I know what I'm doing somewhat. A lot of the anxieties that I had at the beginning of last year have faded. Other than that, I just take care of my child and my house, get some exercise in, and hang out with my boys. It's really a good life- a boring life to some- but a good, drama-free life, which is what I prefer!
Cade: Cade turns three next week. Its so hard to believe. Jason and I went through his clothes and toys yesterday and got rid of some and put some up for storage. Every time I do that, I get a little sad. Some of the clothes Sammy will be able to wear, but I hate putting away those clothes that he looked so cute in and thinking about the fact that he's too big for them. He's so funny these days though. My child is so verbal! He never stops talking and has quite the imagination. He makes up stories about his make-believe monkey Moy-Moy. Last week, Moy-Moy was in the hospital because Cade swung on his tail and hurt him. Who knows? He's still big into sports- he has a shoot-around every night in his "basketball room", we have batting practice, and every ball is a soccer ball. His birthday party theme is going to be sports this year- it may be a recurring theme, but oh well! So, he's a mess, but he's so sweet and cute.
Sammy: There's still no timeline on when my other baby will be here. We have heard updates on the process in the last few months- the Haitian government has approved us to adopt and is in the process of matching up his paperwork with ours. The U.S. government has approved our visa application, so we're almost through that process as well. Jason and I are going to visit in November during Family Visitation Week and I'm looking forward to seeing him. We're really hoping that this will be the last visitation week. Keep praying for God's favor over that paperwork and improved efficiency from the Haitian government. I can't wait to get my two boys together! :)
So, that's where we currently are. I'll try to update more often as my son does funny things or we go on new adventures, and especially as we hear more from Haiti!
God bless,
Manesseh
So I guess the purpose of this blog is simply to catch up and let you all know what's up in our world. I'll start with the adults and work towards the children.
Jason:He did not get an administrator's job this year, so he's still teaching at the high school. He's got some Geometry and some Algebra II classes. He finishes his Program of Study for his Superintendent's License this semester. He's doing an internship this fall along with one class. In the spring, he'll finish up with a second internship for his license as a Curriculum Administrator. I'm really proud of him and all his hard work. He's done everything he can to make himself marketable and qualified for many different positions. I know that his hard work will pay off, but its definitely hard to wait for God's timing in this. He's put in a lot of time (and money) to get these degrees and he's anxious to use them, but he's trying to learn what he can from where he currently is.
Me: I'm working in my second year as a school counselor. It really is a great job! I think I like it even better this year since I know what I'm doing somewhat. A lot of the anxieties that I had at the beginning of last year have faded. Other than that, I just take care of my child and my house, get some exercise in, and hang out with my boys. It's really a good life- a boring life to some- but a good, drama-free life, which is what I prefer!
Cade: Cade turns three next week. Its so hard to believe. Jason and I went through his clothes and toys yesterday and got rid of some and put some up for storage. Every time I do that, I get a little sad. Some of the clothes Sammy will be able to wear, but I hate putting away those clothes that he looked so cute in and thinking about the fact that he's too big for them. He's so funny these days though. My child is so verbal! He never stops talking and has quite the imagination. He makes up stories about his make-believe monkey Moy-Moy. Last week, Moy-Moy was in the hospital because Cade swung on his tail and hurt him. Who knows? He's still big into sports- he has a shoot-around every night in his "basketball room", we have batting practice, and every ball is a soccer ball. His birthday party theme is going to be sports this year- it may be a recurring theme, but oh well! So, he's a mess, but he's so sweet and cute.
Sammy: There's still no timeline on when my other baby will be here. We have heard updates on the process in the last few months- the Haitian government has approved us to adopt and is in the process of matching up his paperwork with ours. The U.S. government has approved our visa application, so we're almost through that process as well. Jason and I are going to visit in November during Family Visitation Week and I'm looking forward to seeing him. We're really hoping that this will be the last visitation week. Keep praying for God's favor over that paperwork and improved efficiency from the Haitian government. I can't wait to get my two boys together! :)
So, that's where we currently are. I'll try to update more often as my son does funny things or we go on new adventures, and especially as we hear more from Haiti!
God bless,
Manesseh
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Well, as I told someone today, I really don't know what we're going to do when our boys reach the age where they are involved in all kinds of activities. Somehow we have managed to busy ourselves pretty much every night for the past few months. However, we're loving life together as a family and it sure makes time go by quickly which means that every day we're closer to the day that Sammy will join us. At the same time, Cade is so stinking funny right now that I hate for this time to go by so quickly. I'm just trying to savor every moment. Some recent pics of what we've been up to:
This is our family on Easter. I love this picture mainly because I love Cade's tie. Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen? We rolled up his sleeves and left his shirt untucked (mainly because it would have been that way shortly even if I had tucked it in), but he was styling. He had a great time hunting eggs this year and he asks me at least once a week if it is Easter yet. Then he'll answer his own question by telling me that it is "far, far away."
A few weeks ago we visited the Oklahoma City Zoo. It was probably 95 degrees that day, but that didn't stop us. Cade really enjoyed it for a few hours, then he got hot and tired and just wanted it to be over. He really liked watching the snakes and reptiles, and he liked petting the goats and seeing the sea lion swim, but his favorite was definitely the monkeys. They were very active when we went in the monkey house (air conditioned- so we spent a long time there) and he just giggled at them as they played and "chased each other". One of them ran by and knocked on the glass right next to his head and he told me a million times, "That monkey hit the wall" and just giggled some more. I think he would have watched those monkeys all day long. This is a really good age for the zoo, but I think next time we'll wait till a day when its not so hot to go visit the animals.
This one explains pretty much every Wednesday night for our family. Geno's Pizza has a buffet on Wednesday night, so we have a standing date with my mom and dad. Somehow Cade manages to talk GiGi into buying him a chocolate chip cookie after he eats his pizza and this is what he ends up looking like most every week. Notice the chocolate is all over his arms as well as his face. I will say the boy knows how to eat a chocolate chip cookie. He usually halves the cookie and then eats with both hands until it is all gone. Most of the time, he'll share food, but he's not so keen on sharing his cookie. You've gotta love that kid!
So the other day we were at my mom's house. Mom and I were in the living room and all the sudden we hear, "GiGi, Mommy!" I yelled down the hallway to see what he wanted, and he responded, "GiGi, Mommy, my stuck! Help me!" So my mom went down the hallway and then yelled at me to come and see. This is what I found. He was jumping on her bed and somehow fell down in the crack between the bed and the footboard. He couldn't get himself out. So instead of helping him, of course I took a picture. What a goofball!
Anyway, that's just a few photos from lately. I'm sure they'll be many more in the upcoming weeks. It's almost summer for us. Jason's last day is tomorrow and mine is on Friday. This is one of the best parts of being in education (besides the warm fuzzies you feel inside because you help kids every day). We get a break together during the summer. I love that I get to spend my summer with my boys. I'm sure it will go by super fast as always.
We've had several people ask lately about Sammy and Jasmine, and we're still in waiting stage. We've done everything we can do. We're just waiting for the Haitian government to set an appointment to complete the process. So, please just keep praying for God's favor on that paperwork and on the process.
Anyway, there's just a little about what's been up with us. Yay for summertime spent together and memories to be made!
God Bless-
Manesseh
So the other day we were at my mom's house. Mom and I were in the living room and all the sudden we hear, "GiGi, Mommy!" I yelled down the hallway to see what he wanted, and he responded, "GiGi, Mommy, my stuck! Help me!" So my mom went down the hallway and then yelled at me to come and see. This is what I found. He was jumping on her bed and somehow fell down in the crack between the bed and the footboard. He couldn't get himself out. So instead of helping him, of course I took a picture. What a goofball!
Anyway, that's just a few photos from lately. I'm sure they'll be many more in the upcoming weeks. It's almost summer for us. Jason's last day is tomorrow and mine is on Friday. This is one of the best parts of being in education (besides the warm fuzzies you feel inside because you help kids every day). We get a break together during the summer. I love that I get to spend my summer with my boys. I'm sure it will go by super fast as always.
We've had several people ask lately about Sammy and Jasmine, and we're still in waiting stage. We've done everything we can do. We're just waiting for the Haitian government to set an appointment to complete the process. So, please just keep praying for God's favor on that paperwork and on the process.
Anyway, there's just a little about what's been up with us. Yay for summertime spent together and memories to be made!
God Bless-
Manesseh
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Higher Ways
If there's one thing I've learned in this life it is that God's ways are so much higher than mine. I always try to see God in the events that unfold in this life. Some times are easier than others, but I'm completely convinced that He knows what He's doing. That is what I cling to when I don't understand why. Lately I've been struggling with the why of this adoption process. Why, when He is so much bigger than any person or government, does He allow this process to take so long? Why, when these kiddos are missing the love of a family, does He make them wait longer? Why? As I was thinking about this the other day and reminding myself that He knows what He is doing, I began thinking about the fact that He has adopted us into His family. There are several verses in the New Testament that describe our adoption and our rights of sonship/daughtership that come with that, ultimately our home in Heaven with Him. Then I realized that He is showing us a little piece of what He must feel as we wait for Sammy to come home. We are His children and He wants us to be with Him. The Bible tells us that He is preparing a place for us there. However, as much as He may long for us to be with Him the same way we long for Sammy and Jasmine to be with us, there is preparation that has to be done. There is a will for us to accomplish here before we go there. There is preparation for us to do here in our home before our entire family is together. There is also preparation for Him to do in our hearts. And that is the why. Just as He patiently waits for us to join Him because his perfect will must be done, I must follow His example. So I'm trying to open my heart and allow Him to do what He pleases. I don't think my longing for Sammy's presence will go away, but I'm going to enjoy my time with my family of three as I stand on that promise that His ways are higher than mine and praise Him for that truth.
God Bless,
Manesseh
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
God Bless,
Manesseh
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, April 22, 2011
Just Time for a Blog
Its been about a month since I have blogged, but with good reason: April is testing month. Anyone who knows anything about testing in schools knows that the people in charge of this are the school counselors. I'm not really sure how this fits into our job description and purpose, but traditionally it has been our baby. So the past month has been filled with planning, organizing, and pulling off testing stuff. It's not quite over yet, but we're on the downhill slide. My brain is pretty darn tired at this point! However, it has gone well for the most part. The perfectionist in me has jotted down some changes for the "next year" file, but for my first go-round, I'm pretty pleased! So, now that I have a little time to blog, here are some updates on life at the Moore house.
First, only 6 weeks of school left for the students, and 7 for me! This year has FLOWN by and I have loved most every second of it. The teachers and staff at Kimmons are good people and they have made me feel so welcome. The students are sweet (as much as junior high kids can be) and I've learned quickly that all they want is someone to listen and care. If you show them that, then they'll love you forever! :)
Micah is coming home on June 2nd, so just a few more weeks. She'll finish up this month in Thailand and her last month is supposed to be in Malaysia- not really sure where yet. Please continue to pray for her and her team.
The adoption process is underway. All of our paperwork has been submitted to the attorney in Haiti and hopefully at this point has been filed with the government. So its back to helplessly waiting. Haiti is in the midst of a governmental changeover. A new president was elected in March and will take office very shortly. That means that not only will the chief executive change, but also all of the heads of the cabinet departments. Most of the past cabinet leaders were anti-adoption, which caused the bureaucracy to run even slower through the adoption process. I understand that they want to protect their children, but my current prayer is that the new cabinet leaders will also understand that there are those of us who are adopting these children because we love them and because we want to give them the family that they do not currently have. Another piece of possible good news is that since those adoptions that were currently underway when the earthquake hit were expedited due to the United States offering humanitarian parole (those kiddos are in the U.S.), all of those files have been cleared out. That means that our paperwork should move up significantly on the pile. It is very possible that it can still be a long process, but I'm just praying God's favor over that paperwork. As always, I know His timing is perfect!
Jason is currently applying and interviewing for several administrator's jobs. So far, nothing has come of it. Getting this first job is difficult without any experience. I know he's getting a little discouraged. Its yet another thing that we're trusting God about. He's always been so faithful and I know this won't be any different, but at the same time it can be hard to see Him working along the way!
We've taken our house off the market. We got several calls on it and a few showings of it. However, after finding out that the adoption may take longer than expected, we decided to take the sign out of the yard. Its a small house that we got a great deal on so our payment is really fairly cheap (cheaper than most people's rent). If we stay here and don't upgrade yet, we can save more money every month so that we can travel to Haiti every few months to see our baby boy and my sweet sister. So, no more sign in the yard at least for now!
In the midst of all of this, my baby boy is growing up. He's two and a half now and he is FULLY POTTY TRAINED! Watch out! A couple of weeks ago, he brought me a Pull-up like he always did when he had to do his big business. That night, I refused to put it on him. He was either going to poop in the potty or poop in his pants- no more Pull-ups. I then went to Wal-Mart to get groceries, and while I was there, Jason texted me a picture of him smiling next to his poop in the potty. I'd share the picture, but I'm pretty sure you'd probably rather not look at his poop! :) Ever since then, when he needs to go, he just goes to the potty and does his business. He just all the sudden decided he was ready, like all you wise mothers told me he would.
He is also getting so funny- you just never know what's going to come out of his mouth. Here's my new list of "Cade-isms" (written as much for me to remember them all as for you to enjoy).
Again, I've rambled on and on. I guess I'm making up for four weeks of no blogging.Thanks for sticking with me! :) If you're the praying kind, keep praying for my sister, for the adoption, and for Jason's job. I'll keep you updated as life progresses.
God Bless,
Manesseh
First, only 6 weeks of school left for the students, and 7 for me! This year has FLOWN by and I have loved most every second of it. The teachers and staff at Kimmons are good people and they have made me feel so welcome. The students are sweet (as much as junior high kids can be) and I've learned quickly that all they want is someone to listen and care. If you show them that, then they'll love you forever! :)
Micah is coming home on June 2nd, so just a few more weeks. She'll finish up this month in Thailand and her last month is supposed to be in Malaysia- not really sure where yet. Please continue to pray for her and her team.
The adoption process is underway. All of our paperwork has been submitted to the attorney in Haiti and hopefully at this point has been filed with the government. So its back to helplessly waiting. Haiti is in the midst of a governmental changeover. A new president was elected in March and will take office very shortly. That means that not only will the chief executive change, but also all of the heads of the cabinet departments. Most of the past cabinet leaders were anti-adoption, which caused the bureaucracy to run even slower through the adoption process. I understand that they want to protect their children, but my current prayer is that the new cabinet leaders will also understand that there are those of us who are adopting these children because we love them and because we want to give them the family that they do not currently have. Another piece of possible good news is that since those adoptions that were currently underway when the earthquake hit were expedited due to the United States offering humanitarian parole (those kiddos are in the U.S.), all of those files have been cleared out. That means that our paperwork should move up significantly on the pile. It is very possible that it can still be a long process, but I'm just praying God's favor over that paperwork. As always, I know His timing is perfect!
Jason is currently applying and interviewing for several administrator's jobs. So far, nothing has come of it. Getting this first job is difficult without any experience. I know he's getting a little discouraged. Its yet another thing that we're trusting God about. He's always been so faithful and I know this won't be any different, but at the same time it can be hard to see Him working along the way!
We've taken our house off the market. We got several calls on it and a few showings of it. However, after finding out that the adoption may take longer than expected, we decided to take the sign out of the yard. Its a small house that we got a great deal on so our payment is really fairly cheap (cheaper than most people's rent). If we stay here and don't upgrade yet, we can save more money every month so that we can travel to Haiti every few months to see our baby boy and my sweet sister. So, no more sign in the yard at least for now!
In the midst of all of this, my baby boy is growing up. He's two and a half now and he is FULLY POTTY TRAINED! Watch out! A couple of weeks ago, he brought me a Pull-up like he always did when he had to do his big business. That night, I refused to put it on him. He was either going to poop in the potty or poop in his pants- no more Pull-ups. I then went to Wal-Mart to get groceries, and while I was there, Jason texted me a picture of him smiling next to his poop in the potty. I'd share the picture, but I'm pretty sure you'd probably rather not look at his poop! :) Ever since then, when he needs to go, he just goes to the potty and does his business. He just all the sudden decided he was ready, like all you wise mothers told me he would.
He is also getting so funny- you just never know what's going to come out of his mouth. Here's my new list of "Cade-isms" (written as much for me to remember them all as for you to enjoy).
- He never stops talking and commentates his entire life. He tells everyone and everything (alive or not) hello and goodbye every time we go somewhere. Pulling out of our driveway in the morning includes a long slew of well wishes: "Bye, Charis. Bye, house. Bye, grass. Bye, trees. Bye, mailbox. Bye, motorcycle."
- He is super-addicted to Dora and Diego and is now picking up some Spanish. Just today, I heard him playing in the next room and counting in Spanish. He's also learning all about exotic animals from Diego. When Jason gave him the toy out of his Happy Meal last week and called it a bird, he quickly corrected him by saying, "That's not a bird, that's a toucan."
- He still loves all things sports. I'm sure that some of this is due to our brainwashing of him by taking him to athletic events from the time he was three weeks old. However, he just flat out enjoys them. We spend a lot of time running, tackling, sliding, catching, throwing, hitting, boxing, shooting, dunking, and dribbling. He can identify most any sport known to man. Give the kid a Sports Illustrated and he'll be busy for a good thirty minutes, turning through the pages and pointing out each sport. "That's basketball, that's golf, that's boxing, that's softball."
- His new thing is to suggest what he wants to do by saying "How bout...?" When he wants me to set up his football guys for him, he says, "How bout Mommy build football guys?" When he wants to go play outside, its "How bout Cade go slide?". When its almost time for bed and he's ready to wind down, its "How bout we watch Tom and Jerry?".
- Everything that we are going to do in the future happens on a Saturday to him. We told him a couple of weeks ago that we were going to the beach and a few days later he said, "Cade is going to the beach on Saturday." One day we told him that we were going to watch Mallorie play softball and later that day he told me, "Mal-Mal going to play softball on Saturday." We finally convinced him that we weren't going to the beach until this summer, but if you ask him, Mallorie plays softball every weekend!
- The child is like an elephant, he never forgets! He doesn't forget much of anything and he'll remind you if you do forget. We were looking through pictures on the computer the other day and he was commentating each one (as usual). One came up of us in Hawaii- by the way, he was nine months old when we went- and he of course said that we were at the beach, but he also said, "Cade fly in an airplane." There was a picture of him at his Mamaw's house a little after he turned one. You can't see the house in the picture at all and he's standing out in the grass, but he knew that he was at Mamaw's house. He recognizes the scenery around him I guess, though there's not much to go on. He soaks up everything so we have to be very careful about what we say around him. Neither Jason or I curse, but I don't really want him going around saying "crap" or "shutup" either! :)
- He's quite the little self-discipliner these days. When he does something he shouldn't and I ask him if he needs a spanking or needs to stand in the corner, he nods his head and says, "Uh-huh" as if he knows that he deserves some punishment for whatever he just did. I know he's really just being ornery, but it is quite funny.
- My favorite one is what he says when you ask him about Jesus. He tells us, "Jesus is in Cade's heart." Oh how my soul prays for him to grow to be a man who loves Jesus and chases after God's own heart.
Again, I've rambled on and on. I guess I'm making up for four weeks of no blogging.Thanks for sticking with me! :) If you're the praying kind, keep praying for my sister, for the adoption, and for Jason's job. I'll keep you updated as life progresses.
God Bless,
Manesseh
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Haiti
First off, let me say that I am still not completely emotionally stable after our trip to Haiti. I knew that it would be an exhausting trip and that I would not want to leave our sweet kids there. However, I really didn't know the toll it would take on me. It's been two days since I've been home and I still burst into tears randomly as I think about it (just ask the people at church this morning who got to witness it). I know that most of it is how much I miss Sammy and wish he were here with me, but the whole experience was just draining- physically and especially emotionally. As my mom so prudently put it, the week was "sensory overload"- the sights, the smells, the sounds- it all just bombarded us and I'm still working to process it all. I expected this to be a life-changing experience. It was definitely that, and more. So I'm going to attempt to describe our week as best I can. Hopefully just writing about it will help me process through it all (I really sound like a counselor now, don't I?).
We started our journey on Monday and traveled from Memphis to Port Au Prince with stops in Charlotte and Fort Lauderdale in between. The travel itself was quite uneventful and we arrived in Haiti around 3:00. However, the second we walked into the airport the chaos that is Haiti was apparent. The room in which the baggage claim and customs all took place was not very big and it was crowded with people. Most of them actually worked at the airport. There were men everywhere who would take your baggage claim number and go look for your luggage. They were all over the place and all were dressed the same, so we couldn't even tell who was "working" for us. There were several large mission groups who arrived at the same time that we did and the workers were piling their bags in different areas around the baggage claim. After about thirty minutes of us and the workers looking for our bags, we realized they weren't there. We suspected there might be an issue because we changed airlines in the middle of our journey, and sure enough- no baggage. Truthfully, I wasn't too upset about not having clothes or toiletries, but all of the goodies that we brought for the kids were in our checked luggage, so I was disappointed that I couldn't meet them bearing gifts. Finally we finished filing our claim at the baggage counter and were able to leave the airport. The second I walked out of the airport, I noticed how beautiful Haiti was. The mountains and the foliage on the island reminded me of Hawaii. However, overshadowing its beauty was the devastation. Across the street from the airport was a "tent city." Thousands upon thousands were displaced during the earthquake that happened over a year ago and many of those are still living in tents. I was prepared for this part of it because I knew that recovery was coming along very slowly, but I was not prepared for the rest. Haiti's infrastructure is non-existent. The roads are dirt, but they are not the dirt roads that we see in Arkansas. They are the kind of roads that Jeep owners seek out in order to have some fun with their toy, and we're talking about in the capital city. I thought for sure that this was a result of the earthquake as well, but we were quickly told that this was simply Haiti. Buildings are haphazardly built all over the city and up on the mountains. Piles of rubble and trash left from the earthquake lie along every street and wild pigs, goats, and dogs feast on the trash. There is no "business district", but people just sell random items at stands along the streets. I've seen poverty before, but not to this extent. Apparently 3% of the nation controls 90% of the wealth and there is no "middle class". In Haiti, you are either rich or you are poor. And when I say poor, I mean literally sleeping in a tent with dirt floors poor. We did enter some areas that had some nicer houses and restaurants, but these areas are few and far between. A good education is something that is available only to those who can afford it and some families have to choose which child(ren) they want to educate. Often it is the boys or it is the oldest child. Society is so different from America. We just never realized that when we decided to adopt these children, we were bringing them out of this. The thing is, they don't know the difference. Oh, what a shock they're in for! So, about 4:00 we finally made it to the guest house where we stayed for the week. They already had Jasmine and Sammy there waiting for us. We finally got to meet our children. Of course, mom and I both cried immediately. I'm sure Jasmine and Sammy thought we were crazy. Jasmine hugged us all and Sammy reluctantly came into my arms. It didn't take him long to warm up to me, though. By the time we fed them dinner and sat out by the pool for awhile, he and I were attached. As Jason says, Sammy likes his Daddy okay, but he loves his Mommy. Mommy feels the same way about him. Since we didn't have any of their stuff (it was all in our lost baggage), they went back to the orphanage for the night and we got some much needed rest.
Tuesday was the day we met with the attorney. She described the process to us and the steps that our paperwork would have to go through in order to finalize the adoption. I was disappointed to hear her estimation of how long it would take, as she said one to two years would be her guess. We all complain about the American bureaucracy being slow and inefficient, but apparently Haiti's is even worse. Plus, the government isn't really for out-of-country adoptions. For some reason, there is a stigma placed on families from industrialized countries wanting to adopt Haitian children. The government believes that they have ulterior motives and are exploiting the children. So, we're going to have to prove that we love these kiddos and just want to give them a good home and doing that takes time. After the attorney left, we spent the day at the guest house. This house was nice even for American standards. It had five bedrooms with bathrooms (each one housed a family that was there visiting their children), a large kitchen and dining area, and a living area where we could gather and let the kids play. Out back there was a nice pool and a shaded sitting area. So we let the kids swim and play together and visited with the other families who were there. Jasmine loves to swim but Sammy not so much. He did like sitting outside and watching the other kids though. Our luggage did show up and we got to spoil the kids! All in all, it was a relaxing day and it was great to get to know these other families. Though our friends and family have been so supportive as we've decided to go through this process, there's no way that they can truly understand it. It was great to be around people who understand the emotions, the frustration at the process, and the love that we have for these kids. We met people who have done this before and some who are in the same boat as us, but these kids bonded us all together and we had a great time together! Tuesday night was when we got to experience Sammy's "dark side". This kid can throw fits like you've never seen. He didn't want to go to bed when it was time. I suspect that it was because he was in a different place and felt insecure, but when I laid him on the bed, he screamed and kicked and turned himself in circles just thrashing about. When I finally got him calmed down, I had to rock him to sleep and then finally lay him down on the bed. After that, he slept okay. However, this was a nightly thing and we learned that this was his same reaction when he didn't get his way. So, Sammy's cute as he can be and he's sweet 95% of the time, but he's got some lungs on him and he's not afraid to use them when he's mad. It's something we'll have to work through!
Wednesday was beach day. Jasmine had only been to the beach one time and Sammy had never been, so this was quite an experience. The ride there may have been the most memorable part. All fifteen of us piled into a van not much bigger than a mini van. Apparently in Haiti, they don't believe in carseats, so we just held the kids in our laps. We drove an hour and a half in an van with no air conditioning on these crazy roads to get to the beach. Sammy loved it! He loves being in the car and he just chattered until he fell asleep. When we finally reached the beach, it was absolutely beautiful. I told Jason that with a lot of work, tourism could be a major industry here. The water was super clear and they had these beautiful cabanas with chairs underneath them where we sat and had lunch. Again, Jasmine had a great time, but Sammy wasn't a fan of the water. He was a fan of throwing rocks into the water though and we did that for a long time. We had a nice lunch and took a lot of pictures. We then traveled the hour and a half back to the guesthouse and spent the evening letting the kids play and chatting. Again, getting Sammy to sleep was a challenge, but we all slept pretty good that night.
Thursday was another field trip day. We took a trip to the Baptist Mission up in the mountains. It has a hospital, a little park, a very small area that resembled a petting zoo, an American restaurant, and a museum. Outside of the mission is a street market with all kinds of Haitian crafts and souvenirs. So, we took the kids to the little zoo area and Sammy came alive. He especially loved the monkey and just chatted with him in Creole as he giggled and banged on the cage. It was too cute! We fed the rabbits and petted the goats and he just talked to them all. Then we went to the restaurant. I think that Sammy and Jasmine were both a little overwhelmed, and rightfully so. We're talking about kids who rarely get out of the orphanage, and Sammy rarely gets out of a single room in the orphanage. There were tons of people at the restaurant, talking and eating. Jasmine grabbed on to mom and sort of hid behind her as we sat there and Sammy began one of his fits. He was only happy if he was laid on me with his head tucked under my chin. We never think about restaurants being something scary. We go all the time, almost every day in mine and Jason's case. Its such a weird feeling to put yourself in these kids' shoes. It just made me realize how much of an adjustment that they are going to have to make and how I need to be prepared to help support them in that adjustment. I guess that's what I can spent this year doing! :) Anyhow, we made it through lunch at the restaurant where Sammy ate a hot dog and two little bowls of ketchup. He loved the ketchup! He kept dipping his fingers in it and licking it off. By the time we left, he was filthy, but he had a great time. We did a little street shopping and bought some souvenirs. Jason loves that part because he loves to bargain with the vendors. We did get some good stuff, though! We rode back to the guest house to have dinner and spent the evening playing with our kids. We got to Skype with Jason's parents and Cade and Sammy got to hear each other's voices. I missed Cade oh so much but I also was so dreading leaving Sammy the next morning. I don't know if Sammy somehow knew that we were leaving the next day, but that night was not restful for any of us. He fell asleep fairly easily, but woke up and had a good thirty-minute fit. After the fit was over, he played for about an hour and a half before I could get him back to bed. Jason says he just wanted a little extra time with his Mommy. Anyway, when 5:30 AM came the next morning, both of us were completely exhausted.
Friday morning, we had to leave. Our ride was supposed to pick us up at 6:00, but we finally left the house around 7:30. Our flight was at 8:50 and it took about 30 minutes to get to the airport. So, we were a little nervous that we would even make our flight. The goodbyes were fairly hasty since we were running late, but I cried through all of that and all the way to the airport. When we got to the airport, there was a line out the door and halfway down the sidewalk. It was only 45 minutes until our flight left and I thought for sure we'd never make it. I said a quick prayer that we would make this flight and as soon as we got out of the car, we were ushered by some of those airport workers around the line and to the check-in station. We had to wait a little bit in line, but we made it to the plane in time. I don't know why we were treated such, but I know that my prayer was answered and we made it onto the flight and into the air back to the states, with me still crying.
It's been a few days and I still randomly cry. I miss Sammy so much. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. I wanted so much to get home to see Cade because I missed him terribly, but I wanted so much to stay there with Sammy until he could come home with me. I still feel like half of my heart is in Haiti. I realize that I've only spent four days with the child, but he's mine. God appointed him to be mine and He knew that we would fall in love with each other immediately. He's there in an orphanage where he's being cared for, but he's not getting the attention and love that I can give him. Jason and Cade and I are here at our home, but our family just doesn't feel complete anymore. God definitely confirmed that we are following Him in this adoption, but I'm thinking He's going to have a lot to teach us through this waiting process. So, that's where we are right now: waiting. I've pleaded with God and given Him all kinds of justification of why He should just perform a miracle right this second and let us go get our child. I have lots of good reasons and I know that He can do that should He choose. He's bigger than time itself and definitely bigger than the Haitian bureaucracy. I really hope that He chooses the miracle route, but I also know that His thoughts and ways are greater than mine and if we do have to wait a year or more to get this baby home, then there will be a reason for it. My prayer is that I can see Him work through this and that I'll understand His purposes in the end. My heart aches right now but I can only imagine the joy that this child will bring to our lives once this process is complete. More than anything, I'm thankful for this calling and that God is going to see us through this and shape us along the way. All praise and glory be to Him!
God Bless,
Manesseh
We started our journey on Monday and traveled from Memphis to Port Au Prince with stops in Charlotte and Fort Lauderdale in between. The travel itself was quite uneventful and we arrived in Haiti around 3:00. However, the second we walked into the airport the chaos that is Haiti was apparent. The room in which the baggage claim and customs all took place was not very big and it was crowded with people. Most of them actually worked at the airport. There were men everywhere who would take your baggage claim number and go look for your luggage. They were all over the place and all were dressed the same, so we couldn't even tell who was "working" for us. There were several large mission groups who arrived at the same time that we did and the workers were piling their bags in different areas around the baggage claim. After about thirty minutes of us and the workers looking for our bags, we realized they weren't there. We suspected there might be an issue because we changed airlines in the middle of our journey, and sure enough- no baggage. Truthfully, I wasn't too upset about not having clothes or toiletries, but all of the goodies that we brought for the kids were in our checked luggage, so I was disappointed that I couldn't meet them bearing gifts. Finally we finished filing our claim at the baggage counter and were able to leave the airport. The second I walked out of the airport, I noticed how beautiful Haiti was. The mountains and the foliage on the island reminded me of Hawaii. However, overshadowing its beauty was the devastation. Across the street from the airport was a "tent city." Thousands upon thousands were displaced during the earthquake that happened over a year ago and many of those are still living in tents. I was prepared for this part of it because I knew that recovery was coming along very slowly, but I was not prepared for the rest. Haiti's infrastructure is non-existent. The roads are dirt, but they are not the dirt roads that we see in Arkansas. They are the kind of roads that Jeep owners seek out in order to have some fun with their toy, and we're talking about in the capital city. I thought for sure that this was a result of the earthquake as well, but we were quickly told that this was simply Haiti. Buildings are haphazardly built all over the city and up on the mountains. Piles of rubble and trash left from the earthquake lie along every street and wild pigs, goats, and dogs feast on the trash. There is no "business district", but people just sell random items at stands along the streets. I've seen poverty before, but not to this extent. Apparently 3% of the nation controls 90% of the wealth and there is no "middle class". In Haiti, you are either rich or you are poor. And when I say poor, I mean literally sleeping in a tent with dirt floors poor. We did enter some areas that had some nicer houses and restaurants, but these areas are few and far between. A good education is something that is available only to those who can afford it and some families have to choose which child(ren) they want to educate. Often it is the boys or it is the oldest child. Society is so different from America. We just never realized that when we decided to adopt these children, we were bringing them out of this. The thing is, they don't know the difference. Oh, what a shock they're in for! So, about 4:00 we finally made it to the guest house where we stayed for the week. They already had Jasmine and Sammy there waiting for us. We finally got to meet our children. Of course, mom and I both cried immediately. I'm sure Jasmine and Sammy thought we were crazy. Jasmine hugged us all and Sammy reluctantly came into my arms. It didn't take him long to warm up to me, though. By the time we fed them dinner and sat out by the pool for awhile, he and I were attached. As Jason says, Sammy likes his Daddy okay, but he loves his Mommy. Mommy feels the same way about him. Since we didn't have any of their stuff (it was all in our lost baggage), they went back to the orphanage for the night and we got some much needed rest.
Tuesday was the day we met with the attorney. She described the process to us and the steps that our paperwork would have to go through in order to finalize the adoption. I was disappointed to hear her estimation of how long it would take, as she said one to two years would be her guess. We all complain about the American bureaucracy being slow and inefficient, but apparently Haiti's is even worse. Plus, the government isn't really for out-of-country adoptions. For some reason, there is a stigma placed on families from industrialized countries wanting to adopt Haitian children. The government believes that they have ulterior motives and are exploiting the children. So, we're going to have to prove that we love these kiddos and just want to give them a good home and doing that takes time. After the attorney left, we spent the day at the guest house. This house was nice even for American standards. It had five bedrooms with bathrooms (each one housed a family that was there visiting their children), a large kitchen and dining area, and a living area where we could gather and let the kids play. Out back there was a nice pool and a shaded sitting area. So we let the kids swim and play together and visited with the other families who were there. Jasmine loves to swim but Sammy not so much. He did like sitting outside and watching the other kids though. Our luggage did show up and we got to spoil the kids! All in all, it was a relaxing day and it was great to get to know these other families. Though our friends and family have been so supportive as we've decided to go through this process, there's no way that they can truly understand it. It was great to be around people who understand the emotions, the frustration at the process, and the love that we have for these kids. We met people who have done this before and some who are in the same boat as us, but these kids bonded us all together and we had a great time together! Tuesday night was when we got to experience Sammy's "dark side". This kid can throw fits like you've never seen. He didn't want to go to bed when it was time. I suspect that it was because he was in a different place and felt insecure, but when I laid him on the bed, he screamed and kicked and turned himself in circles just thrashing about. When I finally got him calmed down, I had to rock him to sleep and then finally lay him down on the bed. After that, he slept okay. However, this was a nightly thing and we learned that this was his same reaction when he didn't get his way. So, Sammy's cute as he can be and he's sweet 95% of the time, but he's got some lungs on him and he's not afraid to use them when he's mad. It's something we'll have to work through!
Wednesday was beach day. Jasmine had only been to the beach one time and Sammy had never been, so this was quite an experience. The ride there may have been the most memorable part. All fifteen of us piled into a van not much bigger than a mini van. Apparently in Haiti, they don't believe in carseats, so we just held the kids in our laps. We drove an hour and a half in an van with no air conditioning on these crazy roads to get to the beach. Sammy loved it! He loves being in the car and he just chattered until he fell asleep. When we finally reached the beach, it was absolutely beautiful. I told Jason that with a lot of work, tourism could be a major industry here. The water was super clear and they had these beautiful cabanas with chairs underneath them where we sat and had lunch. Again, Jasmine had a great time, but Sammy wasn't a fan of the water. He was a fan of throwing rocks into the water though and we did that for a long time. We had a nice lunch and took a lot of pictures. We then traveled the hour and a half back to the guesthouse and spent the evening letting the kids play and chatting. Again, getting Sammy to sleep was a challenge, but we all slept pretty good that night.
Thursday was another field trip day. We took a trip to the Baptist Mission up in the mountains. It has a hospital, a little park, a very small area that resembled a petting zoo, an American restaurant, and a museum. Outside of the mission is a street market with all kinds of Haitian crafts and souvenirs. So, we took the kids to the little zoo area and Sammy came alive. He especially loved the monkey and just chatted with him in Creole as he giggled and banged on the cage. It was too cute! We fed the rabbits and petted the goats and he just talked to them all. Then we went to the restaurant. I think that Sammy and Jasmine were both a little overwhelmed, and rightfully so. We're talking about kids who rarely get out of the orphanage, and Sammy rarely gets out of a single room in the orphanage. There were tons of people at the restaurant, talking and eating. Jasmine grabbed on to mom and sort of hid behind her as we sat there and Sammy began one of his fits. He was only happy if he was laid on me with his head tucked under my chin. We never think about restaurants being something scary. We go all the time, almost every day in mine and Jason's case. Its such a weird feeling to put yourself in these kids' shoes. It just made me realize how much of an adjustment that they are going to have to make and how I need to be prepared to help support them in that adjustment. I guess that's what I can spent this year doing! :) Anyhow, we made it through lunch at the restaurant where Sammy ate a hot dog and two little bowls of ketchup. He loved the ketchup! He kept dipping his fingers in it and licking it off. By the time we left, he was filthy, but he had a great time. We did a little street shopping and bought some souvenirs. Jason loves that part because he loves to bargain with the vendors. We did get some good stuff, though! We rode back to the guest house to have dinner and spent the evening playing with our kids. We got to Skype with Jason's parents and Cade and Sammy got to hear each other's voices. I missed Cade oh so much but I also was so dreading leaving Sammy the next morning. I don't know if Sammy somehow knew that we were leaving the next day, but that night was not restful for any of us. He fell asleep fairly easily, but woke up and had a good thirty-minute fit. After the fit was over, he played for about an hour and a half before I could get him back to bed. Jason says he just wanted a little extra time with his Mommy. Anyway, when 5:30 AM came the next morning, both of us were completely exhausted.Friday morning, we had to leave. Our ride was supposed to pick us up at 6:00, but we finally left the house around 7:30. Our flight was at 8:50 and it took about 30 minutes to get to the airport. So, we were a little nervous that we would even make our flight. The goodbyes were fairly hasty since we were running late, but I cried through all of that and all the way to the airport. When we got to the airport, there was a line out the door and halfway down the sidewalk. It was only 45 minutes until our flight left and I thought for sure we'd never make it. I said a quick prayer that we would make this flight and as soon as we got out of the car, we were ushered by some of those airport workers around the line and to the check-in station. We had to wait a little bit in line, but we made it to the plane in time. I don't know why we were treated such, but I know that my prayer was answered and we made it onto the flight and into the air back to the states, with me still crying.
It's been a few days and I still randomly cry. I miss Sammy so much. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. I wanted so much to get home to see Cade because I missed him terribly, but I wanted so much to stay there with Sammy until he could come home with me. I still feel like half of my heart is in Haiti. I realize that I've only spent four days with the child, but he's mine. God appointed him to be mine and He knew that we would fall in love with each other immediately. He's there in an orphanage where he's being cared for, but he's not getting the attention and love that I can give him. Jason and Cade and I are here at our home, but our family just doesn't feel complete anymore. God definitely confirmed that we are following Him in this adoption, but I'm thinking He's going to have a lot to teach us through this waiting process. So, that's where we are right now: waiting. I've pleaded with God and given Him all kinds of justification of why He should just perform a miracle right this second and let us go get our child. I have lots of good reasons and I know that He can do that should He choose. He's bigger than time itself and definitely bigger than the Haitian bureaucracy. I really hope that He chooses the miracle route, but I also know that His thoughts and ways are greater than mine and if we do have to wait a year or more to get this baby home, then there will be a reason for it. My prayer is that I can see Him work through this and that I'll understand His purposes in the end. My heart aches right now but I can only imagine the joy that this child will bring to our lives once this process is complete. More than anything, I'm thankful for this calling and that God is going to see us through this and shape us along the way. All praise and glory be to Him!
God Bless,
Manesseh
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Gratitude
My word for the week is "gratitude." It just seems like this week has been full of events that have caused me to stop and thank God for my life and my family. It almost seems unfair that my life can be this good while so many people are going through so much. I know that God has chosen a path for each of us and He uses our experiences for His purpose, but for some of the students that I've talked to this week, life has been nothing but hard from day one. Its easy for me to understand why they are so hopeless. However, I know that God has put them in my path so that I can help them. He has also put them in my path so they can help me. This week they have helped me to be much less whiny about my life and to stop, take a breath, and count my blessings. So, here is my list of this week's realizations of what I'm thankful for. There are so many more, but here is what's on my heart.
1. I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful that they love me and they show it. My parents understood that when they got married, they were giving up some selfishness and when they had children, they were losing it all. Their lives became devoted to loving us, caring for us, and raising us in a way that was pleasing to God. I have such happy memories of childhood in a stable and loving family, and for that I am so grateful.
2. I'm thankful for my husband. He understands how to treat a woman and how a marriage is a partnership in which both parties contribute. There are times when he gets on my every last nerve, but he doesn't just tell me he loves me everyday, he shows me. I am married to my best friend and my partner in life and together we are creating the same type of household that I grew up in. My kids will also get to experience what stability and love means.
3. I'm thankful for my education. I had the opportunity to do anything I wanted to do. I had good teachers all the way through school who were positive and encouraging and who told me with sincerity that I could be anything I wanted to be. I got to go to college and eventually get my Master's Degree. Being an educator, I truly believe in the power of an education. Even if someone didn't come from the same background as me, education would be their way into a better life. Because of my degrees, I am in a place where I can provide the type of life I want my children to have.
4. Most of all, I'm thankful that God saved me from the life that could have been. Since I've gone to church my whole life, I can't even really imagine what life without God might look like. However, I see people every day who live that life. There is no hope in it. When crises happen, there's nowhere to turn. They turn to drugs or to hurting themselves because there is no relief from the pain. They can't ever stop thinking about how they've been hurt; there is no one there to help carry their burdens. I really don't know how they go on every day. Life is hard even for those of us who lean on God to carry us through, but at least we have the hope of Heaven and abundant joy in the process. Praise God that He is my hope and salvation- my ever present help in time of need.
Obviously, the reason that I was slapped in the face with these things is because I saw the opposite. I saw children whose parents still live in selfishness and are more concerned with themselves than their kids. I saw kids who know that their parents care more about something else than them and are looking so hard for someone to love them best that they don't hold any respect for themselves. I saw teenagers who had to experience two adults in physical combat because that is the way the "parents" believe that things should be solved in a marriage. I saw students that are so consumed with problems at home that they don't care about their education and are actually pushing away the one thing that can help them get out of that life. I saw adults and children who just have no hope for tomorrow. They are just trying to survive today and they see no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw people who have nowhere to turn.
This is what can be hard about my job, but its also what's great about it. There are times when God needs to stop me in my tracks as I am living this cushy blessed life and make me realize just what I have. Not only that, but I have a chance to help. God has put me in a position that I can be a positive influence in the lives of these kids. I can't change what has happened to them, nor can I really change their circumstances. However, I can be that person that cares. I can be that person who tells them that education can be their way out. I can work with them to help them understand what love should truly look like. Most of all, I can pray specifically for them. My childhood, my marriage, my education, and my faith have all prepared me for such a time as this. I pray every day that God will give me an opportunity to show His love and He responds every day by doing just that. I miss those opportunities a lot and I fail sometimes, but I'm given the opportunities. And for that in itself, I'm so thankful!
God Bless!
Manesseh
1. I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful that they love me and they show it. My parents understood that when they got married, they were giving up some selfishness and when they had children, they were losing it all. Their lives became devoted to loving us, caring for us, and raising us in a way that was pleasing to God. I have such happy memories of childhood in a stable and loving family, and for that I am so grateful.
2. I'm thankful for my husband. He understands how to treat a woman and how a marriage is a partnership in which both parties contribute. There are times when he gets on my every last nerve, but he doesn't just tell me he loves me everyday, he shows me. I am married to my best friend and my partner in life and together we are creating the same type of household that I grew up in. My kids will also get to experience what stability and love means.
3. I'm thankful for my education. I had the opportunity to do anything I wanted to do. I had good teachers all the way through school who were positive and encouraging and who told me with sincerity that I could be anything I wanted to be. I got to go to college and eventually get my Master's Degree. Being an educator, I truly believe in the power of an education. Even if someone didn't come from the same background as me, education would be their way into a better life. Because of my degrees, I am in a place where I can provide the type of life I want my children to have.
4. Most of all, I'm thankful that God saved me from the life that could have been. Since I've gone to church my whole life, I can't even really imagine what life without God might look like. However, I see people every day who live that life. There is no hope in it. When crises happen, there's nowhere to turn. They turn to drugs or to hurting themselves because there is no relief from the pain. They can't ever stop thinking about how they've been hurt; there is no one there to help carry their burdens. I really don't know how they go on every day. Life is hard even for those of us who lean on God to carry us through, but at least we have the hope of Heaven and abundant joy in the process. Praise God that He is my hope and salvation- my ever present help in time of need.
Obviously, the reason that I was slapped in the face with these things is because I saw the opposite. I saw children whose parents still live in selfishness and are more concerned with themselves than their kids. I saw kids who know that their parents care more about something else than them and are looking so hard for someone to love them best that they don't hold any respect for themselves. I saw teenagers who had to experience two adults in physical combat because that is the way the "parents" believe that things should be solved in a marriage. I saw students that are so consumed with problems at home that they don't care about their education and are actually pushing away the one thing that can help them get out of that life. I saw adults and children who just have no hope for tomorrow. They are just trying to survive today and they see no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw people who have nowhere to turn.
This is what can be hard about my job, but its also what's great about it. There are times when God needs to stop me in my tracks as I am living this cushy blessed life and make me realize just what I have. Not only that, but I have a chance to help. God has put me in a position that I can be a positive influence in the lives of these kids. I can't change what has happened to them, nor can I really change their circumstances. However, I can be that person that cares. I can be that person who tells them that education can be their way out. I can work with them to help them understand what love should truly look like. Most of all, I can pray specifically for them. My childhood, my marriage, my education, and my faith have all prepared me for such a time as this. I pray every day that God will give me an opportunity to show His love and He responds every day by doing just that. I miss those opportunities a lot and I fail sometimes, but I'm given the opportunities. And for that in itself, I'm so thankful!
God Bless!
Manesseh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)